Sometimes, the best parenting response is a hot chocolate

He kicked both footballs over the fence, threw his jacket on the ground and stormed off.

If you've been parenting for more than 5 minutes, you'll definitely have had one or two of these moments! So what do we get wrong in these moments, and why does understanding what's going on matter so much?

If you're new here, I'm so glad you've found this space.

I'm not the best at being consistent, and I'm very new to the whole "business world". If it were up to me, I'd just get you all in a big hall, ask you what you're struggling with and help you work through it!

But here I am, doing it my imperfect way, figuring it out as I go and trying to find the best ways to help.

And actually, that reminds me a lot of parenting.

We so desperately WANT to be great at it. The love is there. The desire is there. But sometimes the knowledge, the skills or the capacity we need just aren't there in the moment.

So let me share what happened today, in the hope that it helps you feel a little more confident and empowered in your own parenting.

And if you'd like to explore some more in-depth support, I'm here for that too. I LOVE helping parents find that space of feeling empowered, centred and informed.

Because when you start to build all three, your relationship with your child can become one of the most life-giving relationships of your life.

Maybe one day I'll get there with my parent/business relationship too!

So, what was going on here, and why does it matter?

My kid got overwhelmed.

In the moment, I had no idea why. He was angry, shouting, kicking the ground and giving very strong volcano vibes.

The common response in these moments is to grasp for CONTROL.

Correct the tone. Threaten to go home if they don't stop. Make it clear who's in charge.

Essentially, do whatever it takes to make the noise stop.

But this can have two consequences, particularly when it's our go-to response.

1. Our child feels dismissed.

The message they can take away is: I'm not interested in how you feel right now. I just want you to stop making me uncomfortable.

2. We can gradually become the person they don't turn to when life gets tough.

This one's more subtle. One difficult interaction doesn't destroy trust. But when our child repeatedly experiences us responding to their hardest moments with correction, control or disconnection, they may become less likely to come to us when they're struggling.

And here's what I think many parents miss.

These moments are opportunities.

They can strengthen our relationship with our child, or they can weaken it.

So when I'm really clear that building a strong relationship with my kid is one of my biggest priorities, I know what I need to focus on in these moments.

My goal isn't to win the confrontation or shut him down.

It's to understand what's happening and help him through it.

So here's what I did.

I let him have his outburst.

I didn't speak, correct or comment. He wasn't hurting anyone, and I didn't need to turn the moment into a battle.

After he'd thrown everything down, he went and sat on the ground and sulked.

Now, some people might have decided that the best course of action was to insist he picked up all his belongings and followed them home.

And there are times when we absolutely need to hold a boundary or deal with behaviour that isn't okay.

But in that moment, I didn't think insisting on picking everything up was going to help either of us.

My kid was overwhelmed. He wasn't in a place to have a sensible conversation about his behaviour, and I wasn't going to teach him anything useful by forcing the issue right then.

Instead, I thought about what he needed.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you're just DONE?

End of your tether. Had enough. Reached your limit. Totally spent.

Imagine someone insisting that you hang up your coat, put your shoes away and wash all the dishes.

Would that help?

Or would you be more likely to respond to someone saying:

"Don't worry about that right now. Come and have a cuppa. Here's a cosy blanket. It looks like you've had a rough day. We can chat when you're ready."

I know which I'd prefer!

And I know which person I'd be more likely to turn to the next time life felt difficult.

So I picked up his things, gave him a gentle smile and said:

"Come on, kid. Let's go home and get a hot chocolate."

And then came the bit that really matters.

On the way home, I started chatting about the Halloween decorations in the street.

I commented that I thought some were a bit too scary, given how many young kids lived nearby, and that I wasn't sure that was fair.

He started chatting too, and we ended up discussing all the different decorations we could see.

Five minutes later, he was on the sofa with a hot chocolate and a shot glass of tiny marshmallows.

Because that's how we roll nowadays.

And then, completely unprompted, he said:

"I got really frustrated because I kept missing the goal when I was trying to score."

I simply replied, "That makes sense. Especially when you often score goal after goal after goal!"

"Exactly," he said. "But I feel better now. Thanks, Mum."

And I said, "There's not much a hot chocolate doesn't fix, is there?"

Here's what I want you to take from this.

I didn't need to know why he was upset before I could respond with compassion.

I didn't need to fix his feelings, correct his behaviour or get him to see things my way.

I needed to recognise that something was going on for him, give him a bit of space, and let him know that I was still there.

Once he felt better, he was able to tell me what had happened.

That's the thing about our kids' big emotions. Sometimes, when we're so focused on stopping the behaviour, we miss the opportunity to understand what's underneath it.

And when we can pause long enough to get curious instead of immediately jumping into control, we can respond in ways that help our children feel safe enough to work through what's happening.

It doesn't mean there are no boundaries. It doesn't mean we let everything slide.

It means we understand that how we respond to our children in their hardest moments matters just as much as what we expect of them.

I want family life to feel different for you. Less like a constant battle, and more like a relationship where you can hold boundaries, navigate the difficult moments and genuinely enjoy being together.

That kind of change is possible, and it's the work I love doing with parents.

If you're ready for some support, here's how we can work together:

• A one-off 1:1 session: If there's something happening in your family that you'd like to talk through, we can explore what's going on and what might help.

• A block of six sessions: If you're ready to dig a little deeper and start making lasting changes, this gives us space to work through what's happening, with email support between sessions.

• THRIVE — my 12-week programme: My deepest level of support, for when parenting is affecting everyday family life and you know something needs to change.

  
  

If you're not sure which would be right for you, just reply to this email and tell me a little about what's been happening at home. We can have a conversation about what support might help.

You don't have to figure it all out on your own.