What 18 Years in Schools Taught Me About “Wild” Kids

When it comes to helping children thrive, I’ve learned something early in life that still guides me today: it’s not the fancy strategy that matters, it’s the person delivering it.

I’ve seen it time and again — the right person with a half-thought-out plan can achieve more than the wrong person with the most carefully crafted rules. Connection always wins.

I remember the adults in my own life who made the biggest difference. My favourite teacher, for example: Mrs Cunningham.

We were a tough class, and some of the behaviour was extreme. I had seen teachers break down in tears and others try the “RIGHT!! THAT IS ENOUGH!!!” approach with very little success. This was the 90s, so things were different, but even then, I could see Mrs Cunningham’s approach was unique.

She started by telling us her first name, then about her family, and even shared a funny story about a recent holiday disaster. She was funny and genuinely seemed to enjoy her job. Very quickly, we all wanted to be part of her gang!

Life with Mrs Cunningham was great. She was witty and sharp with the kids who pushed boundaries, and she knew how to bring them back in line without yelling. Behaviour settled. The class became fun again, and people actually started to learn.

So when I went into teaching, I knew exactly the kind of teacher I wanted to be — one who prioritises connection above all else.

Why I Focused on “Wild” Kids

Early in my career, I naturally became interested in working with the children some might describe as “wild.” The ones who challenged every rule, every expectation, every adult.

In 18 years of teaching, there was only one child I ever refused to support in those challenging moments. Who was that? The child I had never met.

Why? Because our kids need connection to trust that the adult in front of them is safe. I didn’t believe I could be the best person in the room to support a child I hadn’t met yet. Connection always comes first.

Over time, this philosophy became the lens through which I approached every challenging child, every tricky behaviour. And the results spoke for themselves. When connection was established first, even the children who seemed the hardest to reach began to settle, engage, and thrive.

Connection Changes Everything

So now, I can tell you with confidence: there is no sticker chart, consequence, or clever script that works without connection.

It was connection that helped the child on the brink of exclusion, struggling with the jump to high school. Three years later, he was coaching our P4/5s in football, confident, settled, and proud of himself.

It was connection that helped the little one who hid under the table, shouting expletives at anyone who came near, until we stopped seeing him as a problem and started seeing his pain.

It has been the same with:

The P5 who refused to come to school

The nursery child who couldn’t keep his hands to himself

Even in my own home — when my child wouldn’t leave the house and I felt helpless and ready to snap

Connection is always the starting point. Because until a child feels seen and safe, very little will change.

The Calm & Connected Reset

That’s why I created the Calm & Connected Reset — a 7-day course delivered straight to your inbox to help you rebuild calm, confidence, and connection in your home.

Each day includes:

✨ A short video (5–8 minutes)

✨ A beautifully designed PDF with gentle, reflective questions

✨ One simple, grounding idea to help you shift out of stress and into connection

It is available now at an introductory price of just £27.99.

👉 Join the Calm & Connected Reset here

Why Connection Matters

Connection is more than a parenting strategy. It is a powerful tool for lasting change. Understanding a child’s feelings, seeing their pain, and responding with calm support can transform behaviour and relationships.

If you want to explore this idea further — what connection really looks like, how to tell when it is missing, and how to rebuild it — I dive deep in this week’s podcast episode:

🎧 Listen to the episode: The Calm and Connected Reset

I have packed so much into both the course and the episode because I know how transformative this approach can be.

If you are taking on the Reset, please DM me or tag me on socials to let me know — I love hearing about parents putting this into action.

Love,

Fiona